


An Ordinary Existence

by Jaysop



Category: Supernatural
Genre: AU, Comforting Sam, Emetophilia, Established Relationship, Fluff, Human Castiel, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Sick Cas, Sickfic, Threesome, Vomit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-31
Updated: 2014-08-31
Packaged: 2018-02-15 14:43:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,840
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2232819
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jaysop/pseuds/Jaysop
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Not long after becoming human, Cas falls ill after some bad diner food, Sam offers what comfort he can, and Dean gives them both a free pass.</p>
            </blockquote>





	An Ordinary Existence

**Author's Note:**

> I've been writing this piece on and off now for the better part of two months when time permits. It's pretty Sastiel heavy but has moments of Destiel and even a little Wincestiel in the middle. It fits well with the AU from my previous works but can be read alone. 
> 
> This started out as my excuse for some fluff involving sick Cas but it evolved a bit into Cas exploring his new found humanity while Sam and Dean deal with his return in their own ways. And also there is fluff. Lots and lots of fluff.
> 
> Enjoy <3

***

Somewhere east of Pittsburgh, Sam was settling down on a twin size bed in a motel where you pay by the hour. Strands of hair kept falling into his eyes as he hunched over his lap top, scouring the web for info on their latest hunt. The tiny bed gave off the rather comical illusion that Sam was somehow even taller, his already strapping muscular form taking up the better part of it. With a puff of air he blew the offending hair out of his eyes and continued to type furiously. 

On a second twin size Castiel, ex- Angel of the Lord, sat in silent contemplation. The room was quiet save for the tapping of keys and the distant thump of bass from a car stereo. Cas jumped a little as the shower in the adjacent bathroom squealed and then hissed to life, evidence of Dean about to wash up.  

Sam glanced at his raven haired companion from behind the glowing screen of his laptop. Anyone else would find it difficult to distinguish Cas’ various emotional states from his usual serious demeanor, but Sam knew all his tells. They had been living together long enough that Sam could tell the difference between serious, pensive, quiet Cas and troubled, restless, possibly sick Cas. It was a subtle tell, mostly revealed through the eyes that shone a dull blue instead of their normal radiant hue, but also revealed in his slightly hunched posture, and the way Cas fidgeted with the end of his sleeve. There was definitely something wrong.

“What’s going on Cas?” Sam asked closing his laptop. He relocated next to the fallen angel on the opposite bed. Cas let out a long sigh as the mattress groaned under the extra weight.

“I’m not sure,” Cas remarked twisting a loose string on his sleeve. “I’ve felt…strange…ever since lunch.”

Sam tilted his head trying to read Cas’ expressions. Sensing anguish evident in his face, Sam scooted close enough to extend an arm around his shoulders. Cas readily leaned into him, letting his head rest against the younger hunter’s chest, scruffy black stubble catching on his white t-shirt. He drew in a slow deep breath that ended in a rather shaky exhale.

 Cas relished in the comfort of human contact, the mystery of its allure finally apparent to him since he lost his grace. Sam’s solid warm presence was much appreciated since Cas’ vision seemed to be bobbing like a raft adrift at sea. He let out a hushed moan as he realized even Sam’s presence wasn’t enough to steady him.  In response, Sam began to slowly card his fingers through the ex-angels messy hair. It was a simple gesture that Sam had learned Cas adored.  Cas let his eyes close, grateful for the attention.

“What’s wrong?” Cas stayed silent in response to Sam’s gentle questioning. “I know that look, Cas. Something’s wrong.”

Dean’s fallen angel re-positioned himself even closer to Sam if that was possible. Sam sighed as the smaller man curled up beside him, moaning in discomfort.

“You feel sick?” Sam asked noting that Cas’ face seemed a little flushed. Again the question received no response which only meant Sam was onto something.

Dean’s younger brother was well versed in this little game of twenty questions. They had played it many times before. There were sensations and emotions that Sam and Dean could readily describe, if they chose to talk about that type of stuff, which Castiel still found difficult to put into words.  Sam had learned the best way to hunt for clues over the past few weeks, and he was getting pretty good at it if he didn’t say so himself. This time, however, he didn’t have to do too much detective work. Cas was holding his stomach and looking paler than usual.

“Stomach hurt?” Sam asked. When Cas moaned in agreement Sam shushed him with a warm palm to the side of his face. He started rubbing his back in slow circles trying in vain to soothe the smaller man. “Why didn’t you say something sooner? Lunch was hours ago.”

“I don’t know,” Cas said his voice deep and miserable. He looked up at Sam, eyes starting to reveal a hint of panic. “I’m just not used to this vessel being so…weak.”

 Sam stifled a laugh, thinking that maybe it might insult him.  Cas viewed the human condition as such a fragile thing being affected by the smallest of changes, like a cold night, or some under-cooked food perhaps. Sometimes he marveled at how Sam and Dean had not perished long ago. The myriad of things that could possibly go wrong were staggering. You could be fine one minute and the next suddenly your body is rebelling against you. It was that loss of control that scared him the most, which made life as a human almost terrifying at times. He certainly wasn’t used to asking for help either.

Sam cradled him in his arms and Cas tried to stay impossibly still hoping to calm his sour stomach. Sam reached under Cas’ shirt and pressed a big hand on to his slightly curved belly. The skin felt tight as he rubbed it gently hoping to alleviate the pain. The warm even pressure of Sam’s large hands felt soothing but Cas feared it was too little too late.

“Well, next time tell me ok? I can help ya know.” Sam chided. Cas nodded his agreement as his stomach groaned under Sam’s oversized palm. “Do you want anything? Some water maybe?” Sam was almost whispering now trying to be as calm as possible since the slightest movements were making his companion grimace.

“No…” Cas had his eyes screwed tightly shut as a wave of nausea made him swallow hard. “I’m fine…”

“Yeah ok,” Sam said rolling his eyes, a hint of sarcasm in his voice. Sam continued to rub circles into Cas’ stomach. The feeling of skin to skin contact was calming but Cas felt his face begin to flush despite the comfort, and he couldn’t help but notice that his breathe was coming quicker now. His grip on Sam slowly tightened until his fingers began to turn white at the knuckle. Sam sighed as he touched the side of his face. Cas leaned into it, his skin feeling cool and damp.

The room continued to lurch and sway around him. Cas was unsure how this movement was possible since he was sitting impossibly still.  He tried to concentrate on Sam, on the hand that cupped the side of his face, on Sam’s strong arms surrounding him, keeping him grounded. The room continued its dizzying dance regardless of Cas’ efforts. His stomach made another audible gurgle and Sam started eyeing the trashcan just out of reach. Cas swallowed thickly.

“Listen Cas, you stay put, ok? I’ll be right back,” Sam said about to get up. Cas’ grip only tightened, the panic really starting to show now, beads of sweat beginning to form on his forehead.

“Please…don’t go…” Cas choked out the words, audibly swallowing afterwards. Sam settled back down next to him on the tiny bed trying to minimize his movements.

“Ok…alright, Cas,” Sam said gently, “I’m right here. But I really think--”

Cas’ small frame lurched forward before Sam could finish his sentence. The first heave only brought up a dribble of saliva that Cas spat onto the bed between them. He coughed and sucked in a quick breath before his stomach seized a second time, his muscles tensing as hot liquid made its way up his throat and out onto the bed. Cas recognized it as the coffee he had had after lunch mixed with bits of undigested beef.

“Aw crap,” Sam said more to himself than to Cas.

Cas gagged deeply bringing up a torrent of brown liquid that splashed onto the bedspread and over the edge of the mattress. With little to no time in between heaves another fountain of liquid was coming up, burning up his throat like acid. Sam tried to get out of the way as the bulk of what Cas had eaten for lunch made a reappearance. It was no use. Cas was still clinging tightly to Sam’s side. He gagged again which ended in an unsuccessful retch followed by a loud belch.

Sam started to feel the warm wet sick seep through his jeans. He didn’t dare move as Cas stilled for a moment, strings of vomit dangling from his chin. Cas blinked involuntary tears out of his eyes. When the room came into focus he saw the copious mess in his lap, some of it dripping onto the floor, some of it covering Sam’s thighs. He looked up at Sam for a second, a mixture of embarrassment and horror in his eyes, before the next wave of nausea hit him.

“Cas…it’s ok…I’ve got ya,” Sam was saying, trying to offer some comfort.

Cas gagged and retched only bringing up a trickle of vomit this time. He moaned and spit the rest out of his mouth. When his body finally allowed him to breathe again he realized he was shaking and quite covered in a thin sheen of cold sweat. Sam swallowed hard and tried to stop breathing through his nose. Watching someone else vomit and not getting sick himself had never been his strong suit.

Cas started crying, sobbing actually, like a little kid. Even though he had been through this a handful of times before it didn’t make it any easier or any less terrifying for him. It was hard for Sam to see him like this, vulnerable and broken, falling apart in front of his eyes.

“Hey…hey…it’s over now. You’re ok. ” Sam was rubbing his back trying to disconnect himself from the hot mess pooling in his lap. He wiped Cas’ chin with the edge of his sleeve.

“Sam…it hurts…” Cas choked out, burying his face in Sam’s shirt. Sam shushed him again and just held the smaller man through the last lingering tremors of tears.  He took the end of his sleeve and edged Cas’ face, wiping away the remnants of sickness.  Cas coughed a few times ending in an abortive heave against Sam’s chest. Somehow Sam was holding it all together, his own weak stomach in check for the time being as he comforted Cas.

He mused that he was getting a small dose of how Dean must have felt when they were young, having to take care of Sam when he was sick. For someone whose life had spanned countless centuries Cas seemed so childlike, lying helpless in Sam’s arms. The transformation of the once mighty angel to a mere human was completely transparent now. In stark contrast to his once near omnipotent power, Cas was now rendered completely defenseless by some bad diner food. It was an odd turn of events, Sam thought.

“It’ll pass,” Sam said trying to soothe him, running slender fingers through his damp black hair. “It’ll pass and then you’ll feel better. I promise.”

Cas was trying hard not to move for fear of another bout of vomiting. The nauseous burning in his gut remained despite the evacuation of its contents all over the motel room bed. Cas had been sick before but this time was different. There was no relief afterwards. He almost felt more nauseous now than before he had thrown up. It confused and alarmed him. His mind raced in different directions, drawing on centuries of knowledge, as he tried to diagnose himself.

“Sam…am I dying?” Cas asked his throat sore and hoarse.

“No, Cas,” Sam said pushing a strand of dark hair behind his ear, “You threw up…a lot…but you’re not dying. Maybe a little dehydrated…but definitely not dying.”

Being somewhat reassured, Cas was glad Sam was there with him; the arms that held him encompassed him and felt strong and solid and warm. Since the fall he had become more dependent on both of the brothers than he would like to admit. Cas knew that neither of them minded but he still felt like a burden to them at times, his independence stripped away from him in a single second when he lost his grace.

Sam could only imagine how difficult it had been for Cas to readjust. Everything was brand new and quite foreign to him; the concept of needing sleep for example had been particularly difficult. Sam remembered one night in particular as they sat there in silence, the fallen angel still desperately clinging to his side.

***

Dean had been lying in the middle of the bed flipping through the premium cable channels the hotel had promised, and cursing that there was nothing worth watching. It had been a rough if not emotionally taxing week for all three men, but especially for Castiel who was still trying to adjust to his new found humanity.

It had been a unanimous decision to stop some place nice for a change.

They went all out this time. The Grand Plaza Hotel had a crystal clear swimming pool that was _actually_ filled with water, a fully stocked mini bar in the fridge, and the best part in Dean’s opinion, a mammoth king sized bed.

“Even you can’t hog this one, Sammy,” Dean had remarked stretching out like a starfish in the center of the cushy mattress.

Sam looked like a pack horse shouldering his way through the door before promptly dropping all their bags with a huff. Cas followed on his heels, blinking at the almost blinding cleanliness of the room. He took a seat on the edge of the bed and rubbed his eyes. Dark circles had formed there making his deep blue eyes look sunken. Cas stifled an involuntary yawn and Dean scooted forward to pull him down onto the bed with him.

“I can’t seem to get enough air,” Cas said through another yawn. Sam chuckled from across the room. Dean put his arms around his angel and pulled him closer.

“And I bet you’re having a hard time keeping your eyes open too, huh?” Dean said before placing a gentle kiss to Cas’ lips.

“Yes,” Cas said pulling away, his eyes full of alarm. “What is wrong with me, Dean? I feel…odd…as if the life is draining out of me.” Dean chuckled and Cas glared at him.

“I don’t believe this is funny,” Cas said his voice deep and serious.

“There’s nothing wrong with you, Cas,” Sam said pulling gray flannel pajama pants and a white undershirt from his duffle. “You’re just tired.”

“When’s the last time you slept?” Dean asked before placing another kiss on his angel’s neck. Cas stiffened, Dean’s usual repertoire of advances having little effect. Dean rolled his eyes, feeling disappointed that the massive king sized bed wouldn’t be put to good use.

“Never,” Cas finally answered. Now it was Dean’s turn to look alarmed.

“Whadaya mean ‘never’?!” Dean blurted out. “You’ve been human for over a week now. You mean to tell me…that in all that time…you’ve _never_ slept?” Cas nodded. Dean face palmed.

“I’ve never needed to sleep…” Cas said a little defensively. Sam flopped down onto the bed already changed into his pajamas.

“Everyone _needs_ to sleep, Cas,” Sam said pulling the comforter back and sliding under the covers on the other side of Cas.

“It seems like a waste of time,” Cas said as another yawn slurred his speech. “And…I don’t think I know how.”

Dean chuckled and turned off the television. He got up and shed his jeans and t-shirt tossing them onto the floor in a little pile at his feet.

“It’s not something you have to learn,” Dean said helping Cas out of his coat.  “It’ll just happen. You just gotta relax…you know…go with it.”

“That’s what Dean says to all the ladies,” Sam remarked eliciting a punch in the arm from his older brother. Cas finished getting undressed and Dean switched the light off before sliding under the covers on the other side of him. There was silence for a moment, the only sound the rattling hum of the AC unit that Dean had turned on full blast, because fuck it, it actually worked.

“Will this hurt?” Cas asked breaking the silence. Dean draped an arm across his angel’s bare stomach as Sam curled up against his side. Sam reached across Cas’ chest finding his brother’s hand and interlacing their fingers. A whole king sized bed and the three of them were only taking up the very center of it.

“No, it feels great, Cas.” Dean whispered. Sam nuzzled into the crook of the fallen angel’s neck, long hair tickling him.

“That’s what Dean says to--” Dean cut him off with another punch.

“Really, Cas. Have I ever steered you wrong?” Cas sighed and let his eyes close, giving into the fatigue that was slowly pulling him under. 

“I don’t like this…” Cas said sleepily. Dean cuddled closer, draping a thigh across Cas’ waist.

 “We’re both right here. You don’t have anything to worry about,” Dean whispered his voice low and soothing. Cas liked the feeling of both brothers so close to him. He should have felt protected and safe but the strange sensation of falling asleep seemed much too close to how he imagined death would feel, his world slowly fading out into black. It felt too much like losing control. Cas silently wondered how Sam and Dean could do this every night without going mad.

There was another brief moment of silence. Dean could hear Cas’ breathing begin to even out. It startled him when his deep gravelly voice cut through the silence.

“How long is this going to take?” Cas asked sounding weary and aggravated.

“If you really haven’t slept in a week then not long,” Sam said with a laugh. He could make out his brother’s features in the dark, the silhouette of his face bathed in shadow. He had known Dean long enough to know what he was thinking.

“You know what always helps me sleep?” Dean’s hand was slowly gliding over the terrain of Cas’ chest, causing his angel to take a deep slow breath in. Sam was smiling in the dark as he nestled closer to the smaller man, his long slender fingers finding the side of his face and caressing it.

The heat of both men surrounding him was making Cas start to sweat even with the AC still humming on full blast. Dean had begun gently kissing his neck, the sensation making Cas arch back into the pillows. There was heat rising in his stomach that only intensified with every touch of Dean’s soft lips to his skin. He could feel Sam on his left side begin to harden against his thigh.

“Mmm…feels good…” Cas mumbled as Sam’s fingers dipped under the waist band of his boxers. Sam lightly touched Cas only to find that he was already semi hard. The younger hunter lightly stroked him once from base to tip making Cas’ breath hitch in his throat.

Dean pulled Cas into a gentle kiss. He loved this new development in their relationship and was thrilled the moment he finally found out that Cas’ human form could enjoy such pleasures. He was even more thrilled when he discovered that Castiel wanted to enjoy them with him and Sam. It had made all the pain and heartache all three of them had been through somehow seem worth it, just to be able to do this together. Dean thought he wouldn’t trade the new Cas for his former self for anything in the world, but honestly both brother’s were just glad he had returned to them. They both treated him with a new found reverence, reveling in every moment they shared together.

Dean thought he could kiss him forever, his tongue exploring the fallen angel’s pretty mouth, Cas kissing him back with equal intensity that complimented Dean’s own style, their bodies fitting together as if they were made for each other, and his brother alongside him working his angel into a frenzy -- it was all too much, too perfect. Dean reached down and squeezed his painfully hard cock as he deepened the kiss. When he pulled away Cas could barely catch his breath.

“You just let us do all the work,” Dean said pulling Cas’ boxers down to his knees. Sam continued to stroke and tease his fingers over the head of Cas’ cock. He spit in his hands, too immersed in what he was doing to get up and dig out the little bottle of lube from his duffel bag. Dean began to place a path of kisses on the sensitive exposed skin of Cas’ thighs. Cas was breathing heavily now, thrusting lazily into Sam’s big fist. 

“Yeah, that’s it Cas,” Sam said as he worked him slowly, “You like how that feels don’t you…”

 As tired as Cas was neither brother expected this to take much longer.

Dean’s hand was gliding up and down his own length as he positioned himself between Cas’ thighs. Sam released Dean’s angel and let his older brother take over, warm lips enveloping the head of Cas’ cock, tongue teasing the vein underneath.

“Uuhh…Dean…” Cas was muttering under his breath, thrusting his hips up into Dean’s throat with as much energy as he could muster. Sam repositioned himself on his knees behind his brother, his long torso curled over Dean’s back. He reached around to take Dean’s length into his big palm causing a shutter to run through him. Dean could feel Cas getting close, his cock pulsing and straining against his tongue.

Cas grabbed a handful of Dean’s short hair in his fist. He was moaning and muttering Dean’s name, his hips thrusting up almost erratically now. Dean came up for air and straightened up leaving Cas’ cock twitching against his bare stomach.

“No…don’t stop…please…” Cas was saying as Dean arched back to envelope Sam’s waiting lips. He was getting close too. Sam knew just what he liked, and it wouldn’t be long the way he was stroking him, Sam’s cock hard and slick against the small of his back. Sam deepened the kiss tasting Castiel on his brother’s lips.

Dean took Cas’ cock into his fist, fingers gliding swiftly over him. Dean’s strokes became less graceful as he felt his brother pushing him to the edge. Cas dug his fingers into Dean’s sides and exploded into his fist with a yell, streaks of hot cum landing atop his stomach.

Watching Cas cum was all Dean needed. He leaned back against his brother, one arm reaching awkwardly behind him to grip the back of Sam’s neck as he unloaded, ribbons of cum streaking the bedspread, some of it landing across Cas’ thighs.

Dean sank against Sam’s chest, one hand still rested on Cas’ hip, pinning him in place. Cas’ breathing was labored and rough, his legs shaking from the aftershocks. When Dean caught his breath he pushed his younger brother, now painfully hard, back against the pillows beside Cas. Instinctively Cas curled against his side, looking quite small against Sam’s ridiculously long torso. Cas was so tired now he almost felt sick. He closed his eyes, resting his head against Sam’s chest, still trying to slow his breathing.

“I didn’t forget about ya, Sammy,” Dean said spreading Sam’s knees apart wide. He spit on both palms and caressed his brother’s neglected length, running his fingers up over the sensitive tip. Sam shivered, pushing his hips into Dean’s grasp.

“Dee…just like that…ohgod…Deeee….” Sam was losing control quickly, falling apart in front of Dean’s eyes. Dean reached his free hand underneath him, letting a finger dip easily inside. Sam’s cock was dribbling precum over his fist. Dean could feel it pulse in his grasp, and he quickened his pace, relishing in the expressions that ran across his brother’s face.

“Oh…Dee…gonna cum…” Dean worked him faster as his whole body convulsed and tensed, coming hard. When it was over Dean collapsed between his brother’s legs, resting his head against his stomach.

When Sam came down enough to notice his surroundings Dean shushed him and nodded to their fallen angel, fast asleep on Sam’s shoulder.

“I wonder if he dreams…” Sam whispered pushing the soft damp hair out of Castiel’s  face. Dean thought about that for a moment.

“I hope not, for his sake…” Dean said contemplating just what exactly Cas might dream about.

It was then, for the very first time, that Cas’ transformation from angel of the lord to simple human became a reality for both brothers. Somehow it hadn’t totally hit home until they watched the peaceful sleeping man curled against Sam’s side snoring for the first time in his long life.

***

Cas had his eyes screwed shut, still breathing heavily against Sam’s chest. He coughed a few times and Sam braced himself for what he hoped wasn’t another bout of vomiting.

“Just breathe, Cas…I’m right here. You just gotta breathe, ok?” Sam was cradling him in his arms still thinking back to that first night’s sleep, to the night when it became definite for him that Cas would never be the same.

“I..can’t…” Cas stammered between quick breaths. Sam felt hot tears soaking through his t-shirt.

“Sure you can,” Sam said holding the side of Cas’ face. “Just feel my breath. Try to match how I breathe ok?”

Sam took a long breath in, his chest rising against Castiel’s cheek. He held it for a moment and let it out slow. Cas tried to do the same and exhaled a shaky breath ending in a wet cough. Sam drew in another deep breath and Cas tried to match it but found it hard to fill his lungs.

“You’re doing great. Just try to slow your breathing ok?” Sam was coaching him realizing that on top of being sick Cas was possibly having a panic attack. Sam rested his big hand on Castiel’s chest, the weight of it making Cas concentrate on his breathing. Sam had all but forgotten about the mess on the bed between them, caught up in trying to calm the fallen angel.

Cas was beginning to quiet in Sam’s arms, his breath still wavered at each exhale but the much needed oxygen was beginning to course through him taking the edge of panic down to a dull ache in his chest. He coughed again and swallowed hard, his throat feeling tight.

“That’s it, Cas.” Sam was saying as he began to relax against him. “I’ve got ya….It’s ok. You’re ok.”

Sam’s attention was broken as he heard the bathroom door swing open. Dean emerged all freshly shaven, his hair tousled and damp from the shower, a white towel wrapped around his waist.

“Hey…what smells like puke in here?” Dean said before observing his little brother and his angel and the mess surrounding them. “Aw damn…what the hell…”

“Cas got sick…” Sam said choking on his words, his face looking a bit pale.

“I can see that,” Dean said sarcasm heavy in his voice. He walked over to Cas who was still sniffling, tracks of tears evident on his ashen face. “Cas…buddy…I guess that burger didn’t agree with you huh?”

Cas lurched forward again at the mention of the source of his plight and painfully dry heaved into his hand. Sam glared at his brother.

“Thanks captain obvious,” Sam said annoyed. “ Could use a little help here….”

“Ok, ok, don’t get your panties in a bunch,” Dean took Cas’ arm and helped him up, vomit spilling off his lap and onto the carpet.

“I’m sorry Sam…” Cas slurred out. Sam stood up, the rest of the sick dripping down the legs of his jeans.

“Don’t apologize, Cas. It’s not your fault,” Sam said grimacing.

Dean didn’t even bother trying to let Cas walk on his own. He wrapped an arm around Cas’ waist and another under his knees lifting him up. Cas felt his vision swim at the sudden change of position.  

“Alright Cas…here we go,” Dean said with a grunt carrying Cas towards the bathroom and losing his towel in the process.

“Dean…” Cas mumbled embarrassment evident in his blue eyes, “It hurts…”

“I bet it does,” Dean said letting him down slowly. Cas dropped to his knees in front of the toilet. Sam had followed behind them not sure what he could do to help but still wanting to be close by. Cas curled himself around the porcelain bowl, his head disappearing inside it. He closed his eyes not wanting witness the inevitable.

Dean started rubbing his angel’s back, slowly and gently. Cas coughed again and spit into the bowl.

“Might not want to be here for this Sammy,” Dean said eyeing his younger brother who was lurking in the doorway. Sam nodded in agreement. He needed some air...and a change of clothes.

“It’s ok. I got this,” Dean said “Why don’t you get cleaned up and--”

Before Dean could finish Cas was throwing up. Dean had snaked an arm around his waist, a flat palm pressed against his belly. The muscles fluttered against his hand as Cas retched.  The sounds emanating from him echoed off the tiled walls. Sam held the back of his hand up to his mouth trying hard to regain his composure. He tried to concentrate on the fact that Cas needed him, and not on the painful labored sounds that filled the room. He tried to push his own feelings aside, mind over matter or whatever you want to call it, but it was becoming increasingly harder the more he listened.

Although it didn’t seem possible Cas was bringing up more. He kept heaving over and over, each time bringing up another spurt, until only a few trickles of bile and saliva came up. His body wanted to keep going, the reflexes making him dry heave, but soon it was clear that Cas was all but empty. When it was finally over he collapsed back into Dean’s waiting arms drenched in cold sweat and shaking.

“It’s over now,” Dean said trying his best to reassure him.

Sam was standing over the sink, hands firmly planted on either side. He gagged once and Dean gave him a look.

“You alright there Sammy?” Dean’s voice was filled with more aggravation than concern. He already had a sick angel to deal with. He really didn’t want to have to take care of Sam too.

“I’m…ok…” Sam said before gagging again, bringing up a little saliva. Dean shook his head. When Sam finally regained his composure he turned on the faucet and let it run until the water was as cold as it was going to get. He splashed some on his face and then drenched a threadbare washcloth, wringing it out before sitting down next to Cas and his brother.

“Ya good now?” Dean asked. Sam took a deep breath and nodded. He carefully folded the wash cloth and laid it across the back of Castiel’s neck. The cool cloth was a welcome relief, and even though his eyes were still closed he sensed Sam’s calming presence close by.

All three were silent for a few drawn out minutes while Dean held Cas the way he used to hold Sam when he was small. For all intensive purposes Cas was like a child experiencing things for the first time that he should have already experienced several times over. A few fresh tears slid down Cas’ face, either out of fear or embarrassment, Sam couldn’t tell which. Dean raised his eyes to meet Sam’s look of concern.

“Think its food poisoning?” Sam asked quietly. Cas had buried his face in Dean’s chest his arms gripped tight around the older hunter.

“Don’ know…” Dean whispered back, “guess it could be.”

Sam put the back of his hand to Cas’ forehead and Cas made a small moan at the sudden feeling of contact. He didn’t feel particularly warm. More like cold and clammy.

Both brothers sat in silence for a few minutes longer. Cas’ breathing was starting to return to normal. He was still shaking but not as violently. Dean felt his angel start to relax a little, loosening his grip around the older Winchester’s waist.

“You  feelin’ a little better?” Dean’s voice was soft and quiet, his gentle tone making Sam remember the long nights that his older brother had stayed up with him on similar occasions.

“I…uh…” Cas was trying to string together some semblance of a sentence but all that came out was, “not really…”

“I know, buddy, I know,” Dean said rubbing his back again. Sam shifted his weight on the hard tiled floor. His long legs had started to go to sleep beneath him. Movement sent pins and needles shooting through his feet.

“Ya think a shower might help?” Sam stood up, his limbs feeling numb and then painful. “I think I could use one,” he mumbled. Sam reached over them and flushed the toilet.

“Ok,” Cas said his voice deep and quite pathetic. Cas had already decided to surrender to whatever course of action the brothers thought best without question. This was new territory for him and he trusted Sam and Dean to know what to do.

Dean took that as his cue to lift Cas to his feet. The ex-angel wavered on unsteady limbs, catching himself with one arm against the wall. His vision swam for a moment and he fought the urge to gag that followed.

“Easy…” Dean said supporting the rest of his weight. “Lemme help ya…”

It took both of them to help him out of his soiled clothes, Cas doing very little to facilitate the process. Dean shouldered Cas’ weight as Sam undressed as well kicking their soiled laundry to the far end of the tiny bathroom. Cas was shaking steadily, even though the bathroom had been warmed by Dean’s shower.

 “Common, Cas. Let’s get that taste outta your mouth.” Dean helped Cas rinse his mouth at the sink handing him a little plastic cup filled with water. When Cas was done Dean refilled it. Sam turned on the shower and adjusted the temperature the whole room beginning to fill again with steam.

“Try to drink a little, Cas. At least if you get sick again there’ll be something to bring up,” Cas looked wearily at the cup as if it contained poison. He sipped at him tentatively and then handed it back to Dean. Cas could feel the cool water all the way down until it settled heavy in his stomach.

“Ok, I guess that’s good enough for now,” Dean said resting the cup on the edge of the sink.

Sam was still fiddling with the water temperature as Dean coaxed Cas under the water. Sam stepped in behind him. The water rolled down the fallen angel’s back, the pressure actually decent for once. Cas steadied himself with an arm against Sam’s shoulder, his knees feeling too weak to stay standing.

“Go ahead and sit down Cas,” Sam coaxed, kneeling down with him. Cas gladly plopped down, drawing his knees up against his chest. He closed his eyes letting the warm water soak through his hair and spill down his back.  Sam enticed the fallen angel closer and Cas leaned into him, letting the younger Winchester hold him under the shower spray.

Dean was caught up for a moment in the utter tenderness of Sam as his held his sick angel. Dean knew that Cas’ pride was hurting right now, that he was embarrassed to the point of tears in front of them showing this much weakness. He wanted to say something, some words of comfort but all he could do was watch them. They had already lost Cas once and now that he was just as human as either of them, they both held onto him even tighter. He could read Sam’s expression of genuine concern ad he rubbed the tiny bar of soap between his big hands and began to massage through Cas’ hair. The ex-angel let out a little moan as Sam’s fingers skillfully rubbed him, soap suds gathering around his face.

“Sammy…” Dean said finally breaking the silence and catching his little brother’s attention. “Looks like you’ve got this. I’m gonna go clean up.”

Sam raised an eyebrow at his brother, surprised that Dean was actually volunteering to take care of the mess in the next room.

“Wait…you sure? I could--” Dean cut him off.

“Nah, if I let you do it I’m gonna be cleaning up two messes,” Dean smirked. He knew it must have taken all Sam had not to get sick himself. He didn’t exactly have a great track record when it came to sympathetically vomiting. Sam still wondered what the catch was.

“Dean…” Cas’ voice was even deeper than usual. Dean stopped at the door and turned. “Thank you…”

“Don’t thank me, Cas,” Dean said his usual bold sarcasm masking his concern and sympathy. “You two just owe me big time.”

Sam rolled his eyes as his brother exited the room. He drew the shower curtain closed tighter. After instructing Cas to shut his eyes he helped him rinse the soap from his hair, sending a torrid of sudsy water down his back. When he was finished Cas lay back against him, the warm water soothing his aching muscles and cramping stomach.

“Sam…” Cas said his voice seeming so much smaller than usual.

“Yeah?” Sam was still holding him; Cas was relaxed and almost limp in his arms.

“I don’t know if I’ll ever get used to this…” Cas said, his voice sounding tired and overly emotional. Sam pushed the damp hair from his face and placed a kiss on his forehead.

“Hell, I could…this is much better than showering alone,” Sam smiled down at Cas who huffed back at him obviously not amused.

“I meant _this_ …the human condition…this…ordinary existence. It’s messy and repulsive and disgusting…and very… overwhelming.” Cas had said the word ‘human’ as if it was something foul and unsavory.  Sam wanted to offer encouraging words but he was at a loss. There was a long pregnant pause while Sam let his hands wander down the planes of Cas’ back that had begun to turn red and blotchy under the hot flowing water.

“It doesn’t get easier, Cas. I know that’s not what you want to hear--” Cas cut him off.

“I don’t expect it will,” Cas said his voice sounding gruff and weary.

“But it has its moments, I guess.” That was all Sam could offer.  The path his and Dean’s lives had taken was filled with losses and hardships and pain. It wouldn’t be fair to tell Cas something cliché like ‘It’ll get better’. Sam had learned to lower his expectations. It made for less disappointment in life. And when things did go well it always felt like a gift, not that Sam felt he deserved any hand outs at this point but he would take what he could get.

“At least there’s you…and Dean…” Cas said his voice trailing off, stubbly cheek nestling into the crook of Sam’s neck.

“Don’t you get all mushy on me now,” Sam said a smile returning to his face.  Cas huffed again letting his eyes lazily fall shut.

“I mean it, Sam,” Cas said talking into the younger Winchester’s chest. “I am unsure if I could handle all this…without the two of you. For that I am forever grateful.”

There was a quiet sincerity to Cas’ words. Dean would have made a joke at this point to cover up any emotions Cas’ words would have drug up to the surface.  Sam took a deep breath filling his lungs with warm steamy air.  He felt lightheaded for a moment, perhaps from the heat but more likely from the knot that was beginning to form in his chest. His thoughts trailed off to when Cas was gone, when both brothers thought he had died in the lake.  He wanted to say something but his breath hitched in his throat. They had both grieved bitterly in their own way for the man who had returned to them transformed.

Sam rested his chin on the top of Cas’ head burying it in the messy nest of wet curls.  Cas felt the shiver that ran through Sam as he exhaled.

“Have I upset you?” He asked, deep blue eyes searching the younger hunter’s face for the source of the sudden sadness that had crept into Sam’s eyes.

“No…no…Cas,” Sam said his voice only offering the smallest hint of anguish as it wavered on his name. “I’m just still getting used to having you back is all. We both are.”

“You mean…having me back….like this…” Cas said slowly, a fresh wave of nausea reminding him of his constant vulnerability. Sam placed a kiss of the top of his head.

“I mean…we thought you were dead,” Sam said the tremble in his voice more apparent now. He gathered Cas in his arms and both men were silent appreciating each other’s existence for what it was, Sam holding onto Cas as if his grasp could keep him grounded in this world and Cas feeling protected in the cocoon of human warmth they had created.

The door to the bathroom swung open just then, steam billowing out into the motel room. Dean stepped through waving a hand in front of his face to disperse the humid air. He had hastily pulled on a pair of faded blue jeans and was gathering up the soiled clothing from the floor.

“Hey Sam, you got any quarters for the laundry? All I can find is two pennies and a nickel…” Dean stopped as he heard the sounds of someone softly crying. He pulled back the curtain expecting it to be Cas but was surprised to find Sam wiping tears from his face.

Dean reached in to turn the water off and the valve squealed shut. Cas looked up meeting dean’s eyes for the first time since this whole ordeal had begun. Surprising them both Dean didn’t make a joke. He didn’t ask why Sam was suddenly overcome with emotion.  He just simply and silently helped Cas to his feet before offering a hand to his brother whose gaze never left the ground.

“Common, Sammy,” Dean said taking his brother’s arm and lifting him to his feet. Cool air was pouring in through the bathroom door. Cas shivered before taking the fresh towel Dean had brought and wrapping it around is shoulders. He found himself having to lean up against the wall just to catch his breath, the motion of standing taking more energy than it should have. Cas let out a low miserable moan.

“What… no joke from you about chick flick moments?” Sam asked taking the fresh towel from Dean and hastily drying his hair. He sniffed as he regained his composure something he had learned to do around his brother if only to avoid Dean’s sharp witted comments on the subject.

“You get one free pass, Sammy,” Dean said touching his brother’s shoulder. There was warmth in his voice, an understanding that Dean didn’t let shine through very often. When Sam finally looked him in the eyes his brother wiped a single tear with him thumb. His touch lingered there for a few drawn out seconds before the corner of his mouth turned up in a grin and he smacked Sam’s cheek twice playfully.

“Alright, are you two gonna stay in here all night? Common, I got a couple cold one’s waiting for us, ginger ale for you Cas. Let’s go get some air huh?” Sam had to do a double take. This was the happiest he had seen his brother in months and he had just volunteered if not cheerfully and without hesitation to clean the sick Cas had left all over the bedroom and now the out of character ‘free pass’? If they hadn’t all just been through one of the most emotionally wrecking times of their lives Sam would have thought his brother was high.

And maybe he was. The feeling of sheer relief at having Castiel back from the dead was as if gravity suddenly lightened for Dean, the constant strain between his shoulder blades dissipating.  He was weightless. They were together, safe for the moment, and even a changed man was better than not having him in his life at all.

During the first few days after Cas had returned, Dean was plagued constantly with one thought in the back of his mind, that he would wake up and Cas would be gone again, the only remnant that he ever existed the folded and tattered coat that Dean had refused to get rid of. But after a few mornings of waking up and seeing Cas aimlessly padding around the motel room in bare feet, looking much like an escaped mental patient with his hair in constant disarray, it became reality that his lover had returned and he wouldn’t be ripped from him again. Dean would see to that.

Out on the balcony Dean had drug three lawn chairs in front of their room. When Sam emerged with Cas in tow, Dean was already taking a gulp of cold beer ruefully starring off into the distance past the empty cement monstrosity of a pool that adorned the center of the motel complex. The sun had almost set and fire red hues were reflecting off sparse clouds backlighting a black silhouette of pines.

Sam sat down with a groan, his back bothering him from the being hunched over in the shower for the last thirty minutes. Cas followed, a threadbare blanket draped across his naked shoulders, stepping on the long pajama pants Sam had let his borrow. Forgoing the chair, he plopped down on the ground in between Sam and Dean, resting his exhausted head on Dean’s knee. Dean reached down instinctively to card fingers through the damp raven hair, the scent of cheap motel soap filling his lungs. He cracked open the ginger ale he had pilfered from the vending machine and handed it to Cas who took a small tentative sip. Sam popped open a beer and Dean clinked his own bottle against it in a sort of triumph.

“To team free will,” Sam said returning the gesture his voice weary, not entirely sure what his brother meant by a toast.

“To team free will,” Dean echoed taking a gulp of cold beer. Cas raised his soda can wanting to add to this very human gesture of solidarity.

“To finding each other again,” he added his voice hoarse and tired.

Sam and dean nodded their approval each taking another swig of beer, watching as the sun continued it’s descent behind the pines.

***

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> As always, thanks for reading. And I always enjoy hearing your thoughts if you care to leave a comment.
> 
>  
> 
> I'm also on tumblr  
> [jay-sop](http://jay-sop.tumblr.com)  
> [little-known-secret](http://little-known-secret.tumblr.com)


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